As parents, we often find ourselves in situations where we are making comparisons with other children (whether intentional or not.) We compare our baby to our other children, to children at the park, or to children as they are described by other moms. One statement I often hear, that makes my mama heart cringe during these comparisons is, “You have a good baby.” Let me say it louder for the people in the back: ALL BABIES ARE GOOD. Every baby is unique, and as such every baby has individual needs that can vary in their complexity and intensity. I am not denying that some babies have specific medical conditions, or engage in more high-needs actions than other babies, but that does not make them any less “good.” It also does not make any mother a worse mother than another.
You have a good baby too.
Even within the same family, babies are different and require different levels of effort, different choices, and a different perspective. I know which of my two kids was more intense than the other, but I am fortunate to have the privilege to love and raise these exact babies as they are. Some days it is hard to see the beauty or recognize the lesson, but parenting these babes is exactly what we were meant to do. No matter where things stand for you right now with your baby know this, mama. You have a good baby, and you are the perfect mom for that baby.
To The Mama With A Good Baby
To the mama with the baby that wakes up 18.5 times every single night to nurse or be rocked instead of sleeping peacefully all night alone in the crib. Your arms and milk are so warm and comforting to your baby and you are the perfect comfort. Your baby can feel your heart beating, and looks to you to feel rested and restored. You will sleep again, and the time you are needed this way is very short.
To the mama with the baby that does not want to be set down or handed off to new people. Your arms may be tired, but your heart is so full. Your baby feels confident and secure when lifted into your arms, and does not feel ready to navigate the world without you. I know you want to take a shower alone and go to the bathroom when you want, and you will. But right now, your baby wants to do those things with you too. (Also, invest in an excellent baby carrier!)
To the mama whose baby is always crying. You may feel defeated that you cannot make your baby happy, but you are. Your baby is reaching out to you in the only way they know how because you are their safe place. Your baby recognizes you as the most important one in their world. They are trusting you with their heart, so give them all of yours. It is only making your bond stronger.
If you are facing a challenge with your little one, flip the script and write down a note of gratitude. Look for the lesson in the challenge, and the beauty of the seeds you are planting. You have a good baby, and you are a good mama too.
All the best,