Despite raising two babes under two at the moment, I cannot help but want another baby. I envy the mom that feels complete with her family. The mom that knew how many children she wanted, and then had that exact amount of children. The mom that is exactly in agreement with their husband on the right number for your family. As a mama of two under two I usually meet two kinds of people. 1) The person that automatically assumes I am done having children after two since I work full-time or 2) The person that claims I must be planning for a third in order to “finally get my boy.”
We have never found out the gender of our children and we do not feel like we have lost anything by having only girls. While gender disappointment is very real for some moms, gender is not a factor in my maternal desire for children. I know that I am an extremely sentimental mama. But I look at both of my strong, independent, strong-willed daughters, and my mama heart is full. And yet, I don’t feel done.
I want more children (yes, children). I always wonder if I would “know” when I was done, or would I continue to want. I also believe that choosing to be a working mother should not be the reason we have to choose to have a smaller family size. While there are obvious constraints both financially and time-wise when you add a child to a family, children in dual-working households do not receive any less love, attention, joy, or effort than in other households. If you care to discuss the research on children of working moms, I am always up for it!
I want another child, not a baby.
If I knew I was having all girls, I would still want more children. My mama heart craves more unique little mash-ups of my husband and I, and the mark they will leave on our world. Despite how much I adore the squish of a newborn, I do not just want a baby. I want another member of our family, to grow and learn from. I dream for my daughters to have more siblings to navigate life with, and lean on when my husband and I are no longer here.
The strangest part in all of this, is we are already overwhelmed. My husband and I are deep in the trenches of raising littles, and there are days that bedtime is a welcomed event. Despite feeling overwhelmed, I have not apprehension about adding another child to the chaos. My budget will definitely feel the impact of another child so close to the others, but it does not change my mama heart. Feeling overwhelmed while still feeling anxious to take on more of a challenge is a crazy feeling most days. Maybe it’s my crossover from work to home, or maybe its a hormonal influence. But for now I wonder. And my mama heart wants. If you feel done, how did you know? If you don’t feel done, how do you rationalize your choice to cope with the feeling?
All the best,